What Do My Paintings Mean? Honestly, I Don’t Know.
PAINTED BEFORE I COULD WALK, HONESTLY
So crazy story, but I’ve actually been plagued with visions from birth. I came out of my mom on May 4th, 2001 at 6 p.m. at U.H.W.I. wielding a brush and a paint palette. Very historical event.
That’s usually the answer people are fishing for when they ask me, “How do you do it?” or “What does it mean?” Something dramatic. Something mystical. Something that makes it all make sense.
The real answer is boring as hell. I don’t know.
I don’t practice religiously. I take long breaks. I disappear for stretches of time. And somehow my art still evolves, like it’s doing its own thing without me. Which is honestly rude, but I’ll take it.
When I tell people I don’t know what my work means, they look at me like I just violated some unspoken artist rule. Like there was a meeting I didn’t attend where everyone agreed artists are supposed to have explanations for everything they create. So yeah, at some point I started making things up. None of it was true lol, but I’ve realized silence makes people uncomfortable.
But my art isn’t meaningless. It’s just not coming from my conscious brain, so the meaning isn’t always at the forefront for me. You feel me?
The meaning doesn’t belong to me anyway. It belongs to you.
Like seriously, I genuinely don’t know. My brain might be playing some sick game, honestly. I don’t sit down with a plan or a story in mind. I just pick up a brush, walk toward the canvas, and start somewhere. Depending on how complex the idea is, I might do a quick sketch on my iPad so I can properly scale it. Somehow, it always turns into something.
I wish I could say I put a lot of thought into my work, but the truth is my conscious mind isn’t even present when I paint. I become a blank slate. You actually have to see me in action, it’s kind of crazy. My subconscious takes over, and even I don’t fully understand what the f*** is happening in that part of me. All I know is i’m GONE.
WHY I PAINT THIS WAY
Since I was a kid, I’ve needed freedom when I create. Give me rules or restrictions and I’ll feel trapped.
When I paint, I dissociate. I’m gone, completely not here, literally in a flow state. A professor once told me I might seem “shallow” to viewers because I can’t provide an explanation. But shallow isn’t the right word. The art has meaning, I just can’t name it.
So instead, I flip the question back. What does it mean to you? I love hearing other people’s raw perspectives. Their interpretations give me insight into my own subconscious, and honestly, into theirs too.
I DON’T THINK. I JUST GO.
One of my Favorite tweets:
Thinking about what to make before I create kills my process and sends me straight into art block. If I think too hard, the magic is good as gone. On a deeper level I know for a fact a lot of my paintings are influenced by years of reading, studying, life experiences, and psychology. Fun fact, psychology was my minor.
Honestly though, most of the time a painting is just what it is. Fun, experimental , or simply me f***ing around.
THE BIGGER PICTURE
As I build my portfolio and prepare to re-present myself to the world, I want to share more about my process. I’m learning to be more vulnerable in that way, and to give people real insight into how I create.
So the next time you look at one of my paintings, don’t ask me what it means, because imma tell you idk fr lmao. But on a serious note, ask yourself what does it make you feel.
What is it bringing to the surface for you?
Because that’s where the real magic happens. My art is 100% for self-reflection.
Your interpretation matters as much, if not more, than mine.
